February 2012
2 posts
9 tags
Project Chocolate: Day 1
First off, I’d just like to blame thank Edward Halim for this spark of inspiration. He sent me a link from Pinterest this past Sunday asking me to make him Homemade Snickers. Side note: you should know, if anyone (I know personally) asks me to bake/cook them something, 99.99999% of the time I will do it. Not just because I love doing it but because I love a challenge and more than...
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This post is to DIE for!
Embarrassingly bad pun intended!
While this post was an enormous amount of fun for me to write, it also further justifies my fear of strangers and why I cringe every time I see hipsters who bare a shocking resemblance to Jeffery Dahmner.
While multi-tasking my day job and reading about the criminally insane, I present to you the THREE CONVICTED SERIAL KILLERS WALKING FREE AMOUNG US TODAY!
Read...
January 2012
1 post
4 tags
November 2011
3 posts
6 tags
Things that should DIAF
This is just a short list of things that I am sick of seeing.
Hipster Glasses These glasses are God awful and they don’t look good on anyone other than Steve Urkel. He even hated them enough to go through the trouble of inventing a machine to make him cool enough so he wouldn’t have to wear them.
Mulan can’t even pull them off and she’s as swift as a coursing river and...
July 2011
1 post
3 tags
WORK
JIM: The number [you gave me] for [Stephanie] is xxx.xxx.8047. Says its disconnected. Do I have the wrong number?
JEN: Pardon my dyslexia! The last 4 digits are actually 8074.
JIM: You thank.
JEN: LOL. Which backwards is also LOL
June 2011
1 post
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April 2011
3 posts
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WORK - I forgot to post this last week when it...
In regards to my boyfriend coming to town.....
Jo: Have fun this weekend, be safe and don't get too wet
Jen: ........... WTF?!
Jo: I MEANT FROM THE RAIN!!!!!
March 2011
2 posts
5 tags
WORK
Jo: I'm a lawyer in California. I can't go to Connecticut and fight a lawsuit
Kevin: Yes you can.
Jo: No, Kevin, I can't. I think I would know.
Kevin: Jo, just stop OK?! I know the law. I read it on Wikipedia
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February 2011
15 posts
2 tags
WORK
Jo: I want to dye my hair a red. What color would you call [my husband's] hair?
Kevin: Um... RED. Like RED RED
Jen: I'd hate to see what [your husband's] pubic hair look like
Jo: They're beautiful
Jen: Please stop
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For my honey. Who loves this opera. I’m...
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7 things
7 things [if you care] to know about me:
1.) I grew up for the first 15 years of my life celebrating my birthday on the 26th of October instead of the 27th, which is my actual birthday. My mom didn’t remember my real birthday so I celebrated my birthday on the 26th until I was in High School when she finally figured it out.
2.) I’m one of those weird people who have a favorite...
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WORK
Jen: Do you want some of my strawberry pie?
Pete: Muff pie?
Jen: What?
Pete: No?
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“Do not speak unless it improves on silence.”
– The Buddha
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PERSONAL
Jen: You know what I just found out yesterday? My uncle's TV cost $30,000! Who watches that much TV?!
Jen: It cost more than my new car! Crazy, right?!
Gianni: That is more than I make in a year!
Jen: Please don't say that when you meet my family.
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WORK
Mike: Why did you tell Kevin I had a virus on my computer?
Jen: I didn't. He heard Jo Marie call Dan about it. Why? What did he say?
Mike: He told me to put a condom on my computer so it doesn't get a virus......
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WORK
Jen: Would you let a guy finish inside you for 100 mill
Pete: 100 MILLION DOLLARS?! Fuck yes.
Pete: TWICE
Jen: You are so gay
Pete: For 100 million I'd be gay. I'd suck dick everyday of my life. No problem
Jen: Everyday?
Pete: Twice a day
Jen: You are so shameless
Pete: I don't care. I'll buy some shame once they finish inside of me
Jen: THEY?!!
Pete: Any man
Jen: Oh my God. You're such a homo
January 2011
8 posts
3 tags
WORK
Pete: I'm in this business for another 5 years, then I'm retiring.
Pete: This is me at 57. In 5 years, at 62 you're not even going to want to fuck me with someone else's pussy
Jen: I don't...want to fuck you with my own pussy now
Pete: Ok, now you're just lying
2 tags
PERSONAL
Jen: Can't wait to see you in a couple weeks
Gianni: Yeah, I have a bad feeling it's going to be a St. Valentine's Day massacre when I come out
Gianni: Shark Week
Gianni: I'm talking about your period
Jen: No, I got it. Thanks...
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PERSONAL
Gianni: YOU SNEAKY SNAKE!!! THANK YOU FOR THE PS3
Jen: Glad you like it!
Gianni: I LOVE IT!!!
Jen: Don't use that gift as an excuse not to talk to me
Gianni: I WON'T!!!
Jen: So can we Skype tonight when I get home?
Gianni: I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE. I HAVE A PS3 NOW...
***I wish I could have taken a picture of his face when he got the package but it's a 6 hour drive to his house and I didn't have money for gas.
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PERSONAL
Jen: Can you tell me my surprise now?
Gianni: Nope!
Jen: You know, a little piece of my soul gets taken away when I know someone has a secret and doesn't tell me. You're going to leave me soul-less.
Gianni: That's OK...
Jen: ...
Gianni: I'm half black. I have plenty of soul to go around
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WORK
Jen: So I heard Claire is "Vice President" based on her LinkedIn profile
Kevin: Self proclaimed title
Jen: Can I be the Queen of England on my LinkedIn page then?
Kevin: Jen, you can be Queen of Ballsacks for all I care
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“The whole point of being in this business and being blessed and being successful...”
– Sir. Elton John